I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
