and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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