he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
