around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
she pinky promised me she was 18
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
