So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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