You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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