I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
