8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
