There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
