some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
