also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
