Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
