The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
