Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
