Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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