I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
