you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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