I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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