So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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