I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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