My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize