she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
