my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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