haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
porn star boner night. come get it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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