Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
