I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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