guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
