my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Im part way to drunk.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
