I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
