..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
