Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize