oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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