Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
