that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Will exercising make me less horny?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
