Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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