2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
