I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
