just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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