He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
