Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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