They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
