can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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