just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
