I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
