Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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