i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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