It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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