there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
