i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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