It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
