Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
