So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
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There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
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I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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