maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
