he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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