.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
