fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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