Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
