I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
