"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
