Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
