he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
