Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
