you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
