do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
