so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
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