found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
