dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i think i have two assholes
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
