Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
